Anxious Has a Home in My Skin

It has been a year since I let him go
Drop away, fall away back into the crowd
Return to sender, these emotions
And now, I don’t want to date
The idea, the thought
Makes my skin jump and crawl
Anxiety shakes my blood
I curl back into myself
I do not want to be touched anymore
Pull away, push away
Deleting messages and putting up boundaries
I remember every smile, a lie
No longer will I define myself
By love
Or the lack of
So many promises, he has and finally
Breaking each one easier than my own heart
I do not want to whisper another name
Abruptly crumbling upon tongue
Too dry to speak, throat cinching tighter
Fear takes the form of every man’s face
Close the door and hide
I am a little girl again
And every man the monster under the bed
The boogeyman rattling my door
Never let them in
I will never let them close
A year ago, I let him go with every demon
And now numb
I know longer relate and do not want to date
For every breath, every word
Is a pattern I have seen
In the clothes of every man that hurt me


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