Amanda, My name is (first published on my blog February 2015)

1.

Amanda was an angry name

The two As on the end

Stretched up, up

Their tips sharpened with each inch, fangs

A perfect fit for sarcastic mouth

Tongue, a jilted bride

Betrayed by my emotions yet again

Until my name caged me in, watching

A prisoner of six letters

 

2.

As a little girl

Reduced my name down to Mandy

For the curves of the M A N D and Y

Bent and swirled around my tongue with ease

A theme song for my laughter

 

3.

Carefully wrote the letters as one continuous curve

As I grew older, my name became smaller

While my curves grew larger

Every arc fuelled comments and glares

I couldn’t hide the bend of my body behind syllables any longer

My mother kept trying to cram me into a little dress

No matter how much I tried to push it over my body

I couldn’t quite get it over my hips

 

4.

The As were back

Two tall pillars, I hid behind

My name thundered from my mouth

Constructing a barrier

To keep me out of the reach of others’ ridicule

And to hold all my pain and anger inside

 

5.

I was a new mother

No time for the frivolity of letters

For they all were transformed

Into the word

MOM

 

6.

I misunderstood my As

Grew up thinking strong women were angry

Courageous women had to be aggressive

I found my strength in my moments of vulnerability

The As on both ends of my names

Stretched up, up

I discovered if I redefined them

I could unhinge their tips

So the arced up, expanding into wings

They framed the curves of my silhouette

I became my own masterpiece

Used them to find the light of my beauty

Instead of walls to hide behind

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