Subdue

My ravens subdue waiting within my view and I wonder why they are so calm and this worries me as if they know as if they are waiting for me to sprout black feathers and claw at the ground screaming, waiting for me to unravel and scratching away the surface until my nails are broken and fingers are bleeding

Then again, then maybe I would feel alive to lose myself completely and feel air fill my lungs until it hurts and pain ricochets deep inside until every emotion explodes and I am clambering to the ground until I hear my ravens cawing at me until my grief runs off my skin and pools into rage then I could finally face my fear

This fear that has left me so numb that emotions left me vacant and no one knows that I have learned to bend a smile that I learned to say I was okay when everything wasn’t fine and my ravens lining my view watch me as if they know I will erupt at any moment that life would flood in and I would have to breathe once again

Once again I would have to scream and let the ground shake underneath my feet breaking fracturing until I am falling with this flock of black and they keep cawing at me to wake up for it is time for me to live that routine doesn’t equal death and death isn’t freedom for my ravens are back subdue and silence howls in my ears

I need to unravel let my black feathers out until I am drowning in thought and feeling for being numb is a casket for my freedom and my soul I must collapse and listen as my ravens are cawing out a lullaby a wish list for I must open my eyes and stop telling people I am okay when it only heals them and leaves me empty